Last month in Abilene, Desree Sanchez was allegedly murdered by her husband. The 32-year-old mother of five was just one of dozens of Texans killed in domestic violence incidents last year.
There are thousands of other women, children, and men currently living each day with the emotional and physical stress of domestic violence.
Both the Noah Project and the Regional Victim Crisis Center (RVCC), located in Abilene, offer free, confidential support for victims of domestic violence.
In the two years that Alana Jeter has been the executive director of the Noah Project, she’s noticed one very common thread: abusive partners try to isolate their victims.
“A lot of perpetrators or abusers, that’s the very first thing they do, is closing someone’s circle of friendship, circle of relationships, and so they don’t have someone to reach out to for help,” Jeter said.
Abusive cycles can develop over years, making it difficult for a victim to recognize when a situation has escalated to being dangerous. Statistics show that only about half of all domestic violence incidents are reported to law enforcement.
Besides isolation, Jeter said constant conflict may be a sign of abuse. This could be getting put down or called degrading names by a partner, or being told one wouldn’t survive outside the relationship.
“Having community is the biggest way to combat domestic violence in the home because you’re taking away that privacy and isolation that leads to people being able to control someone’s life enough that they’re not getting help the first time something happens,” Jeter said.
Abusers often make their victims feel like less of a person. Janey Wawerna, executive director of the Regional Victim Crisis Center in Abilene, said victims may feel uncomfortable sharing thoughts and feelings with a partner or feel like they constantly have to perform to keep the peace. “When you feel like you don’t even know what you want anymore because someone’s told you what you need to do, say, and how to do it, you’re in a bad relationship,” Wawerna said.
There are several barriers that make it difficult for victims to leave an abusive relationship.
First of all, victims can be scared that reporting will put them in more danger. Jeter said anyone in that situation can call either the Noah Project or the Regional Victim Center’s crisis lines. Both organizations staff their hotlines around the clock.
“Our crisis line advocates are trained to have that conversation about safety planning, not just making an appointment for you to come in, but when is the best time for you to come? What documents should you be gathering as you’re getting ready to leave?” Jeter said.
If leaving during the day is not an option, the Noah Project’s shelter is always open.
Jeter said most safety plans look like leaving when the perpetrator is not there. If a victim has school-aged children, they should plan to escape while their children are at school if possible, and then pick them up.
Victims should gather ID, birth certificates, and Social Security cards for themselves and any children. More details on creating a safety plan can be found on the Noah Project’s website.
Family ties and children can also make it hard for a victim to leave. In Wawerna’s experience, victims leaving is ultimately better for any children. “There’s kiddos that are in a household where they just know it’s broken and it’s not right,” said Wawerna. “And there’s kids where they just have this underlying feeling because maybe mom says stuff like, ‘your dad’s gonna be home soon, do this, do that, do this,’ trying to always keep it super peaceful.”
The Regional Victim Crisis Center offers counseling to kids, too, not just the people leaving bad relationships. Another barrier that can prevent a victim from leaving is financial control or dependence. Both the Noah Project and Abilene Regional Victim Crisis Center connect victims to resources that can help them get jobs, get out of leases, or get deposits waived when setting up new housing.
The Noah Project also provides shelter to individuals and families in West Texas, working to establish a new life. One in three women will experience some sort of violence in their lifetime. If you, a friend, or a family member is a victim of domestic violence, human trafficking, or sexual assault, call the Noah Project hotline at 325-676-7107 or the Regional Victim Crisis Center at 325-677-7895.
If a life is immediately in danger, call 911.